Translating Women's English.

Yes = No
No = Yes
May be = No
I am sorry = You will be sorry.
We need to talk = We need to complain.
I am not upset = Of course I am upset, idiot.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Do you love me = I am going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me = I already bought something expensive, now pay for it.

Source: Hum Tum - Hindi Motion Picture.