1. Should women have children after 35? No, 35 children are more than enough!

2. No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening.

3. Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes annual free trip around the Sun.

4. Your future depends on your dreams, So go to sleep.

5. Alcohol kills slowly. So what? Who is in a hurry?

6. Work fascinates me. I can look at it for hours!

7. God made relatives; thank God, we can choose our friends!

8. Can you do anything that other people can't? Sure, I can read my handwriting!

9. Do you know of an Indian who parked his car in front of a board which said: FINE FOR PARKING ?

10. A drunk was hauled into court. "Mister," the judge began,"you've been brought here for drinking." "Great," the drunk exclaimed,"When do we get started?"

11. Whom are you working for? Same people. My wife and four kids.

12. I heard you have a cat that can say her own name.Yes, Meow.

13. Divorce has become so common that my wife and I are staying married just to be different.

14. When a wife was asked,"What book do you like best?" she answers:"My husband's cheque book."

15. Girlfriend:"And are you sure you love me and noone else?" Boyfriend: "Dead sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday."

16. Waiter: Would you like your coffee black? Customer: What other colours do you have?

17. My father is so old that when he was in school, history was called current affairs.

18. Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Student: Brotherly love!

19. Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating? Sam : No, sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.

20. Dad: Son, what do you want for your birthday? Son : Not much, Dad, just a radio with a sports car around it!