Men are like ....Placemats.
They only show up when there's food on the table.

Men are like .....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like .....Bike helmets .
Handy in an emergency, but otherwise they just look silly.

Men are like .....Government bonds.
They take so long to mature.

Men are like .....Copiers .
You need them for reproduction, but that's about it.

Men are like .....Lava lamps.
Fun to look at, but not all that bright.

Men are like .....Bank accounts .
Without a lot of money, they don't generate much interest.

Men are like .....High heels.
They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it.

Men are like .....Curling irons.
They're always hot, and they're always in your hair.

Men are like .....Mini skirts.
If you're not careful, they'll creep up your legs.

Men are like .....Handguns .
Keep one around long enough, and you're going to want to shoot it"

Source: Fwd email.

Review: Omkara..- The Times of India:
Nikhat Kazmi
29 Jul, 2006 0228hrs IST, TIMES NEWS NETWORK.

Omkara ****
Cast: Ajay Devgan, Kareena Kapoor, Naseeruddin Shah Saif Ali Khan, Viveik Oberoi, Konkona Sen Sharma, Bipasha Basu
Direction: Vishal Bhardwaj

Uncle Shakespeare wasn't a genius just like that. If you think of some of the landmark adaptations of his plays on celluloid and on the stage, you will realise that his was a creativity which kickbutted a swirl of creativity in contemporary cinema and theatre.

Akira Kurosawa gave us a Japanese Macbeth, Baz Luhrmann gave us an Australian Romeo and Juliet, Gulzar gave us a Bollywoodian Comedy of Errors, Vishal Bhardwaj gave us a Mumbaiya Maqbool...

And now, Vishal Bhardwaj gives us an Othello that crackles with a heady indigenous native flavour drawn from the wild hinterlands of Uttar Pradesh where rogues and thugs write the rules of politics with the bullet and the bandook.

And yes, Vishal lives up to the Bard. For not only does he skilfully capture the netherworld of the human psyche — those ambiguous grey areas of conventional morality — which formed the playground for Shakespearean drama, he manages to lift the bar of Indian cinema with his unique adaptation.

Here's a film that breaks the conventional mould of Bollywood into smithereens and does it with a panache that encompasses all departments of film making. Vishal has taken the usual Bollywood actors and sculpted their make-over like no other director.

Of course, Ajay Devgan has already displayed the depths of his calibre in films like Gangajal and Apharan. Konkona too has carved a comfortable niche for herself in mean"

It was professor smith's first day at st. Johns medical college as a faculty. Known for his teaching excellence, he made his entry into a classroom of 1st year medical students, where he received a warm welcome from the students, followed by their intro.

To start with, he planned to put forth a question to the class. He said, "Well students, before we start off with today's lecture, let me ask you a simple question on human anatomy". He gazed across the classroom, spotted a female student Suzie, and said, "Tell me Suzie, which part of the human body grows 10 times its original size when excited?" Hearing this question, Suzie's face grew pale in embarrassment, she replied:" you should be ashamed to ask such a question to a female. I am sorry, but I can't answer your, this question". Thwarted by the girl's reply, professor smith rolled on his sight around the classroom afresh, to find out if there was anyone else who could satisfy his query.

This time he located a male student Henry, who had already raised his hand in affirmation to answer the question, and allowed the lad to go ahead. Henry answered: "pupil of a human eye".

The professor applauded for the boy's accurate answer; then turned back to Suzie and said: "Look, Suzie, I am sorry but, I must tell you a couple of things:
(1) You lack knowledge
(2) you have a dirty mind and
(3) Your Expectations are too high !!!!!!! (10 times........huh......MYGOD!!)

Source: Fwd email.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

---

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

---

Q: And where was the location of the accident?
A: Approximately milepost 499.
Q: And where is milepost 499?
A: Probably between milepost 498 and 500.

---

Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

---

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

---

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

---

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

---

Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes.
Q: And these stairs, did they go up! Also?

---

Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

---

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male or a female?

---

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

---

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

---

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

---

Source: Fwd email.

Source: Fwd email.

A young lady is giving directions to her new boyfriend to get to her apartment.

She says: ''You come to the front door of the apartment complex where I live and look for apartment 14A, and with your elbow push button 14A. Come inside and you'll find the elevator on the right. With your elbow hit 14. When you get out of the elevator you'll find my apartment on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell and I'll open the door for you'' The boyfriend says: ''Dear, that sounds very easy to find, but why am I hitting all these buttons with my elbow?''

"Oh my God!! You're not coming empty-handed, are you?''

Source: Fwd emails.

"Mom, if dad was a dog and you were a cat, what would I turn out to be?"

One day Little Johnny and his mom take a taxicab to go to his uncle's house. On the way, Little Johnny gets in a curious mood and starts asking questions. He first says, "Mom, if dad was a dog and you were a cat, what would I turn out to be?" His mom says, "Oh dear, don't ask silly questions."

About five minutes pass and Little Johnny says, " Mom, if dad was a bear and you were a horse, then what would I turn out to be?" The mom gets angry and yells, "Little Johnny, that's enough. Stop being silly!" His mom tells the taxi driver to stop by a bakery on the way and she gets out and tells Little Johnny she'll be right back.

The taxi driver starts playing with Little Johnny's head and asks, "Hey Kid,if your dad was a street bum and your mom was a prostitute, what do you think you would turn out to be?" Little Johnny says, "A taxi driver!"

Source: Fwd email.

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some vegetables. He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing lead to another and they end up in her apartment. After a while, he realizes its 3 PM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home. His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry.

"Where the hell have you been?" "Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another."

"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!" She sees his hands are covered with powder and says..."You God damn liar!!! You were playing billiards again!!!"

Moral of the story: Always tell your wife the truth. She won't believe you anyway. At least your conscience is clear.

Source: Fwd email.

A Professor at one of the IIM's (B-School, India) was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:-

1 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing.

2 You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says:
"He's very rich. Marry him." - That's Advertising.

3 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say:
"Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me." - That's Telemarketing.

4 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:
"By the way, I'm rich. Will you marry me?" - That's Public Relations.

5 You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:
"You are very rich! Can you marry ! me?" - That's B rand Recognition.

6 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. - That's Customer Feedback.

7 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say:
"I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. - That's demand and supply gap.

8 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her:
"I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - That's competition eating into your market share.

9 You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say:
"I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - That's restriction for entering new markets.

Source: Fwd email.

At the airport a woman overheard a mother and daughter talking as they spent their last moments together before saying good-bye. They announced the departure.

Standing near the security gate, they hugged and the mother said, "I love you and I wish you enough".

The daughter replied, "Mom, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Mom".

They kissed and the daughter left. The mother walked over to the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see she wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on her privacy but she welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" Yes, I have," I replied. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this forever good-bye?"

"I am old and she lives so far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is - the next trip back will be for my funeral," she said.

"When you were saying good-bye, I heard you say, 'I wish you enough'. May I ask what that means?"

She began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone".

She paused a moment and looked up as if trying to remember it in detail and she smiled even more. "When we said, 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".

Then turning toward me, she shared the following as if she were reciting it from memory.

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive.

I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

She then began to cry and walked away.

They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

To all my friends and loved ones, I WISH YOU ENOUGH!

Source: Fwd Email.

At the end of their first date, a guy takes the girl home. Emboldened by the night, the guy decides to try for the first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her, "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?"

Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My parents will see us!"

Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?"

Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?"

Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!"

Her: "No way. It's too risky!"

Him: "Oh please, please, I like you so much!"

Her: "No, no and no. I like you too, but I just can't!"

Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?"

Her: "No, no. I just can't."

Him: "I beg you...."

Suddenly, the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down and do it. But for crying out loud, tell him to take his hand off the intercom button!"

Source: Fwd emails.

Shei je chhilo ek desh jekhaane aamra preme doobe thaktam
Shorir rokkhar bahanai nijeder eliye diye rakhtam
Khelai khelai melai melai ghure phire din katiye ditam
Sobbhota aar kolaar nam-e gaaner jolsha boshiye ditam
Internationalization-er khaatire bideshi maaler party kortam
Premer golpo bolaar jonno beach-e party bodle phirtam
Shei je chhilo ek desh jekhaane aamra sorbo-mosti upobhog kortam
Aar jekhaane ojuhaat chhara ochena bondhu banaate partam
Hai…Shei je chhilo ek desh….

I Miss Thailand…especially the friends I used to hangout with & the several infinite fun times with them.

Poem by Arijit Mahalanabis.

1) A Bihari after coming back from a three hour long class says:
Saala pura body headache maar raha hai

2) A Bihari goes to a movie hall and asks for two tickets,Do tho
ticket dena, the person at the window tells him that there is a house
full, so this Bihari says koi baat nahin do house full de do.

3) A Bihari went to New Delhi for the first time in his life. He went
there during the time of Asiad and was zapped to see all these new
stadiums, newly constructed roads, flyovers etc etc. The poor fellow
hadn't seen all this ever before. So when he came back to Aligarh
people asked him as to how did he like Delhi, he was too excited and
said : yaar delhi to buhat top ka laga, pura delhi chamak chamak raha
tha, sab kuch jagmaga raha tha, sab shine maar raha tha lekin yaar ek
cheez hum understand nahin kar paye, yeh itta barka barka speed
breaker kahe ko bana diya hai (he couldn't figure out what is a
flyover).

4) A Bihari went to a cigarette shop and asked for one Wills: Bhai ek
Will dena, so the guy selling the cigarettes told him that there is
no brand by the name of Will, it is Wills, but the Bihari insisted
and said I want one Will, so the person told him unless you say it
correctly i.e Wills I won't sell it to you, so the Bihari went mad
and said "Hum ek hi to maang rahen hain pura packet to nahin maang
rahen hain".

5) This incident happened when we were in college. Two Biharis
talking to each other, "Aaj Mother teresa aa rahen hai Kennedy
Auditorium mein saam ko aap chalenge na , hum aap ko 5.30 p.m sharp
pe lene aienge, so this fellow didn't know who is Mother Teresa and
replied back," nahin bhai aap hi chale jaiye hum Englis film nahin
dekhte hain.

6) There was this Bihari who was travelling with two tickets, so when
the T.T.E asked for the ticket, this fellow gave both the tickets, and
so the T.T.E asked him the reason of buying two tickets , this fellow
answered well what will happen if in case I lose one of them, so the
T.T.E said what if you lose both of them, so this guy said then why
do I have a monthly pass.

Two babies were sitting in their cribs, when one baby shouted to the other, "Are you a little girl or a little boy?" "I don't know," replied the other baby giggling.

"What do you mean, you don't know?" said the first baby. "I mean I don't know how to tell the difference," was the reply.

"Well, I do," said the first baby chuckling, "I'll climb into your crib and find out."

He carefully got himself into the other baby's crib, then quickly disappeared in to the blankets. After a couple of minutes, he resurfaced with a big smile on his face. "You're a little girl, and I'm a little boy," he said proudly.

"You're ever so clever," said the baby girl, "but how can you tell?"

"It's quite easy really," replied the baby boy, "you've got pink socks and I've got blue ones."

SHAME ON YOU ALL, WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ??

Operator: "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut. May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold.......... on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan
Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile
is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood
pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from
the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much
will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total
is $49.9! 9"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is
over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year.
That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan,
Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw
some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records,you've reached your
daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready.
How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always
come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator : "According to the details in system ,you own a
Scooter,...registration number 1123..."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing.! .. by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free
bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also

diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$%^

Operator "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you
were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: Faints...

Ram ne Sita se shaadi ki,

Ravan ne Sita ka apaharan kiya,

Hanuman ne Sita ko bachaya,

To ab batao, vastav mein hero kaun hai ?


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[statutory warning : Those who hate PJ should not read further]

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Sanjay Dutt !!! :-)
SAWAL theek se padho.

A man on his bike enters a very dense forest after an hour he see a MORE(peacock) and it was smilling at him, he feels a bit weird and moves on, this happens on 2 to 3 occasions and it happens exactly after an hour, he thinks that he is riding froma long time so he is just seeing this things due to his tiredness
so can u tell me why is this happening??????????????

think think think.........

Because that man is riding on " TVS Victor - More smiles per hour"

George Bush was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, Mr. Bush!" a heavily accented voice said, "This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala,Punjab. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!"
"Well, Gurmukh," Bush replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army"
"Right now," said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbour Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight"
Bush paused. "I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Arrey O! Main kya.. " said Gurmukh. "I'll have to ring you back!"

Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
"Mr. Bush, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh" Bush asked.
"Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor."
Bush sighed. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armoured personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to
1-1/2 million since we last spoke."
"Oh teri ...." said Gurmukh. "I'll have to get back to you."

Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
"Mr. Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne...... We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!"
Bush was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Tera pala hove...." said Gurmuk, "I'll have to ring you back."

Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
"Kiddan, Mr. Bush! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm sorry to hear that," said Bush. "Why the sudden change of heart"
"Well," said Gurmukh, "we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of war!"

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him Rs. 10 and that Continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to Rs. 7, 50.

"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."

A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes Rs. 5.

"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me Rs. 10 every day, then Rs. 7,50 and now only Rs. 5. What's the problem?"

"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."

"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.

"Four," the man replies.

"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense.

The Do's And Don'ts For All Zodiac Signs

Aries (Mar 21 - Apr 19)
DO'S
Aries are naturally active and vibrant people and they tend to like such people too. You will have to increase your pace to be in step with them. They like and appreciate frank and straightforward persons. With them you can be your true self (but don't try your luck being over frank-they are volatile). If you are in love with an Arian, then you have to show your enthusiasm in all their activities (you can always yawn later!).
DON'TS
Do not tell an Aries that s/he may be wrong. Any such statement may stir a storm in a teacup. Aries are very faithful and passionate lovers. Do not give air to the smoldering fire within them by making them jealous. No flirtation or fooling around with others in their presence unless of course you wish to write your death wish (you will be granted!).

Taurus (Apr 20 - May 20)
DO'S
Stability and dependability characterize Taurus. They like people who can blend and grow with them. If you have a Taurus partner you should appreciate all things bright and beautiful. They have an inherent artistic sense and are fond of color and music. Judge life with them from a purely materialistic point of view. Enjoy everything luxurious that money can provide. Enjoy good food (better if you can cook to please them) and good drinks with them.
DON'TS
Taurus do not loose their temper easily (in fact you may spend the whole life with them and still no spark) but you should not push your luck too much. Being unreasonable or aggressive with them may get you into trouble. Do not press him/her into a corner, and if you do, be prepared for a violent rage. Taurus is capable of violent outbursts though such an event is very rare occasions. They can be suffocating when they are possessive about you.

Gemini (May 21 - June 21)
DO'S
Gemini is a highly intellectual and versatile person. If you have a Gemini partner you have to match your wits with his/her wits to keep the zing in the relationship. They want to be mentally stimulated so you have to be good at conversing. Your sense of humor will get you a permanent residence in the heart of a Gemini. Be more communicative with them, and if you are good at this, you will never know how hours pass by holding each other's hand.
DON'TS
Gemini's like to do many things at the same time, so if unfortunately you are the type who is looking for stability you may get disappointed. Do not hold back a Gemini or you may lose him/her, as they are restless and need change in life constantly. You should try to adopt yourself with the ever-changing Gemini. Orthodox or conservative old fashion ideas are no-no in their dictionary. Change with the ever-changing Gemini and do not flow against the current .

Cancer (Jun22 - July 22)
DO'S
Try to adapt yourself with the changing moods of the Cancer. At one moment they may be laughing and enjoying and in another they may sulk. You may have to adjust with the moody and sensitive Cancer. They are like the tides in the ocean, always fluctuating. Cancerians love food and are highly creative / artistic minds, so if you know how to cook and can be poetic and romantic (added Bonus) then you know the way to their heart.
DON'TS
Cancerians are very sensitive people and can get easily hurt. So do not play with their emotions and sentiments. They are like tides that can sweep you along. They form emotional bonds with even inanimate things, so do not ask them to discard old caps or souvenirs. Such things hold special meaning to them. You have to realize that the crabs have a soft heart and are vulnerable. Do not contradict their tested line of thought and action, it would only lead to confusion.

Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
DO'S
If you have Leo partner respect him and his majestic manners. Accept the advice of Leo, the lion, as he is the king of the jungle. It is the sign of a showman, so if your partner does everything in grand style enjoy it. They fall easily for flattery and want to be center of attraction of all eyes (sometimes they can be quiet theatrical too).
DON'TS
Never ever hurt the ego of a Leo. Pride, ego and vanity are some of the bags Leo's always carry with them. Do not touch these bags. An authoritative Leo is even more difficult to handle in such circumstances. Leo is a sunny sign so they do not like people who are gloomy or depressed. Even if you are crying at heart keep a sunny smile on your lips and then let the lion take charge and remove all worries from your life.

Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept22)
DO'S
Virgo's are very methodical and have a great sense of duty. However, they are blind to their own faults. So, if you have a Virgo partner emphasize more on their qualities. Take keen interest in what they are doing and you will realize that they will go out of their way to help you. Do rely and appreciate their mental powers rather than their physical powers. They can turn even an unsuccessful venture into a success.
DON'TS
Do not push a Virgo into limelight or on the center stage unless of course they do so on their own. They are shy and reserved by nature and do not like to be the cynosure of all eyes. Virgo's have secrets that they would not like to bring out in the open. So, even if you have the key to their secret skeleton-closet, hide it; do not even admit that you know anything about it. Virgo, the virgins, do not want to tarnish their public image.

Libra (Sep 22 - Oct 23)
DO'S
Librans need peace and harmony in all their relationships, so help them maintain that. Venus, the ruling planet, gives them beauty and they have weakness for people who can compliment them about their beauty (you will not have to make an effort to do that anyway). You can help Libra seek union and partnership in life. If you have a Libra partner you can be sure to share beautiful and pleasurable moments together.
DON'TS
Libra is kind and gentle soul but very argumentative. Hence, do not start an argument or discussion unless, of course, you are free and do not know how to pass your time. They hate to lose and most probably during an argument may change sides too (remember scales can tilt) and still continue arguing from the other side. Do not push your Libra partner into making decisions. They will keep weighing pros and cons and may still not be able to come to any decision. Have patience !

Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
DO'S
Scorpio's are full of passion and zest for life. They have tremendous drive that can involve you too. Tune in to their wavelength and you can enjoy the harmony and music of life with them. Scorpio's are loyal and never forget a kind deed done by you. If you want to enjoy life with your Scorpio lover, share their passion and intensity and you will be fascinated by how beautiful life can be with them.
DON'TS
Scorpio's are very passionate and intense but they are also fiercely possessive and would like to possess your mind, body and soul. Do not let seeds of jealousy grow in them because then you may have to suffer agonies of jealousy and discontentment in life. Scorpio's have explosive tempers be careful how you handle them. They never let anyone know what is going on in their mind till they strike and you may be caught unaware. Do not flirt around in the presence of your Scorpio lover.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
DO'S
Sagittarius is basically a happy go lucky kind. You can enjoy with them their zest and enthusiasm for life. They bubble with excitement. And if you share the same interests and hobbies, life can be great fun together. They are frank and straightforward so if you want some truthful opinion about anything or anyone go to them. Be optimistic as they are and view life as glass half full.
DON'TS
Sagittarius is fiercely independent and cannot tolerate restriction. Hence, do not try to hold them back in life. Let them enjoy their freedom because if you hold any special place in their heart they will always come back for you. Do not feel irritated by the exaggeration in their speech. They may go on and on, talking about certain things that may not even interest you, but its their way of trying to communicate with you. They are basically frank and outspoken (to the point of being rude), so do not feel offended by their talks.

Capricorn (Dec 22 - Jan 20)
DO'S
Capricornians are strong and dependable. Hence, if you want to put your money on anyone it is of course this zodiac sign. They are practical and conservative in their outlook and they expect you to blend in their color. They set certain standards for themselves in their life and they will always try to maintain those standards. For them social status and image is very important in life.
DON'TS
Do not expect a Capricorn mate to open his/her heart and pour everything to you. They are very secretive and reserved people. They are very thorough in all their affairs and hate any kind of sloppiness. People born under this zodiac are very tight-fisted and economical. Do not expect lavish gifts from them and if they do give you any gift (that is very rare) it will have some practical use (no romance please) but that does not mean you will be deprived of anything; on the contrary you will be well provided.

Aquarius (Jan 21 - Feb 21)
DO'S
Aquarius are friendly and fascinating people. They have in-depth knowledge about various subjects and you can converse with them for hours without getting bored. They are capable of giving a lot of love that can be amazing. They have a very broad outlook of life and you can relax in their presence. They will always welcome your ideas and actions about humanitarian causes. To keep an Aquarius lover interested you must possess that mysterious and intriguing quality. Once hooked they will always be very faithful to you.
DON'TS
Do not expect or plan a normal, simple and predictable life with an Aquarius partner. Aquarians are totally unpredictable. They can go to any direction without giving any advance notice. They are basically very restless and get bored easily. Though they are very friendly, do not expect them to reveal their inner most feelings to you (they never will). They can be detached and impersonal, which may seem strange to others.

Pisces (Feb 22 - Mar 21)
DO'S
Pisceans are sensitive and charming. If you are looking for someone who is understanding and can understand your feelings then you have met the right person. You should appreciate their feelings too, as in your time of need they are sure to help you. Pisces have a keenly developed sixth sense and have great intuitive powers. Their hunches may usually be right on mark. But they can exhaust their physical and mental energies. They are born dreamers and you can build palaces with your dream lover (only in real life it may become a little difficult preposition).
DON'TS
Pisces are dreamers and you should not expect them to have worldly ambitions. They are not materialistic in nature. It is not that they like living below the poverty line but they have no earnest desire to accumulate wealth. They are very sensitive and you have to be always careful about their feelings. The fishes are capable of drowning you in their tears (even men born under this sign).

Source: Forwarded email.

Photo Source: Forwarded Emails.

After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie. She said I love you but I know this other woman loves you and would love to spend some time with you. The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my MOTHER,who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.

That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie. "What's wrong, are you well," she asked? My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news. "I thought that it would be pleasant to be with you," I responded. "Just the two of us." She thought about it for a moment, and then said, "I would like that very much." That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up I was a bit nervous.

When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel's. "I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son, and they were impressed, "she said, as she got into the car. "They can't wait to hear about our meeting". We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.

After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Half way through the entries, I lifted my eyes and saw Mom sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips "It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small," she said. "Then it's time that you relax and let me return the favor," I responded. During the dinner, we had an agreeable conversation -nothing extraordinary, but catching up on recent events of each other's life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.

As we arrived at her house later, she said, "I'll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you." I agreed. "How was your dinner date?" asked my wife when I got home. "Very nice. Much more so than I could have imagined," I answered. A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I did to not get to do anything for her. Some time later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place mother and I had dined.

An attached note said: "I paid this bill in advance. I wasn't sure that I could be there; but nevertheless, I paid for two plates - one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son." At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: "I LOVE YOU!" and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve. Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till "some other time."

Here's hoping today is better than yesterday and tomorrow.

If ABCD = American Born Confused Desi
But how about an ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
It is :
American Born Confused Desi Emigrated From Gujarat, Housed In Jersey, Keeping Lots of Motels, Named Omkarnath Patel, Quickly Reached Success Through Underhanded Vicious Ways, Xenophobic Yet Zestful.

A junior manager, a senior manager and their boss are on their way to a Meeting. On their way through a park, they come across a wonder lamp. They rub the lamp and a ghost appears. The ghost says, "Normally, one is granted three wishes but as you are three, I will allow one wish each"

So the eager senior manager shouted, I want the first wish. I want to be in the Bahamas, on a fast boat and have no worries. "Pfufffff, and he was gone.

Now the junior manager could not keep quiet and shouted "I want to be in Florida with beautiful girls, plenty of food and cocktails. "Pfufffff, and he was also gone.

The boss calmly said," I want these two idiots back in the office after lunch at 12.35pm"

Moral: "Always allow ur boss to speak first"

Love is the greatest feeling,
Love is like a play,
Love is what I feel for you,
Each and every day,
Love is like a smile,
Love is like a song,
Love is a great emotion,
That keeps us going strong,
I love you with my heart,
My body and my soul,
I love the way I keep loving,
Like a love I can't control,
So remember when your eyes meet mine,
I love you with all my heart,
And I have poured my entire soul into you,
Right from the very start.

----------

I love you so deeply,
I love you so much,
I love the sound of your voice
And the way that we touch.
I love your warm smile
And your kind, thoughtful way,
The joy that you bring
To my life every day.
I love you today
As I have from the start,
And I'll love you forever
With all of my heart.

---------

When I'm with you,
eternity is a step away,
my love continues to grow,
with each passing day.

This treasure of love,
I cherish within my soul,
how much I love you...
you'll never really know.

You bring a joy to my heart,
I've never felt before,
with each touch of your hand,
I love you more and more.

Whenever we say goodbye,
whenever we part,
know I hold you dearly,
deep inside my heart.

So these seven words,
I pray you hold true,
"Forever And Always,
I Will Love You."

-----------

You are all of my beautiful dreams,
put together, and rolled into one.
You're the moon and stars in my sky,
and the light of my morning sun.
You're my first thought in the morning,
and my very last thought each night.
Dreams of you hold me through my day;
bring comfort to me, until morning light.
You have brought me a world of love,
which fills every emotion within me.
A world I always knew could exist,
but not one, I ever thought I would see.
A beautiful world that can only be seen,
through the hearts of two joined as one.
One that paints all of the colours of love,
more deeply within, as each day is done.
A portrait of love, captured by my heart,
and reflected so deeply into my soul.
Embracing me within beautiful dreams,
from love so precious, it makes me whole.

---------

"Cause when I"m with you,
I never feel any pain,
All I have to do is see your smile,
And then I"m happy again.

I don"t see you every day,
But that"s the way it"s got to be.
Just knowing you are there
Is good enough for me.

You"ve hugged me when I"m ill,
You"ve hugged me when I"ve cried,
You"ve helped me through the hardest times,
Without even a sigh.

------

You're always on my mind,
No matter what I do,
Wherever I go,
Whatever I see...
It always leads back to you.
If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

--------

Love the way you look at me,
Your eyes so bright and blue.
I love the way you kiss me,
Your lips so soft and smooth.

I love the way you make me so happy,
And the ways you show you care.
I love the way you say, "I Love You,"
And the way you're always there.

I love the way you touch me,
Always sending chills down my spine.
I love that you are with me,
And glad that you are mine.

Some times your heart thinks, whom do you really love?
You love someone but you like someone else,
Your mind speaks, but your heart denies,
Someone listens, but someone else comforts,
Someone prays, but someone else consoles,
Someone says but someone else"s action speaks,
Someone laughs, but someone else understands,
Someone just tells, but someone makes you do,
Someone is there, but someone you want is not,
You search for someone is someone else,
Is this the beginning of love, or is it the end,
A time comes in life when you think what love really is?
What you think is love or it is something else,
Listen to your mind but follow your heart.

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.

Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window. The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside. The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene. One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away. As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone. Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside. He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy. "Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

Use the following tips be achieve the best from life. This is a well tested formula for life.

Use..this..in..life
Talk---------Softly
Walk----------Humbly
Eat-------------Sensibly
Breathe--------------Deeply
Sleep----------------Sufficiently
Dress---------------------Smartly
Act-------------------------Fearlessly
Work---------------------------Patiently
Think-----------------------------Truthfully
Believe------------------------------Correctly
Behave-----------------------------------Decently
Learn---------------------------------------Practically
Plan-----------------------------------------------Orderly
Earn----------------------------------------------------Honestly
Save--------------------------------------------------------Regularly
Spend---------------------------------------------------------Intelligently
Love---------------------------------------------------------------Passionately
ENJOY --- -----------------------------------------------------------COMPLETELY

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees. "Yes, sir," the clerk replied. "That's good," the boss said. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you."

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?" "That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solution to your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I will put them with my two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to pray and worship."

So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with the male talking parrots, and the female parrots say, "Hi, we're prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?"

One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams, "Put your Bible away Frank, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"

Translating Women's English.

Yes = No
No = Yes
May be = No
I am sorry = You will be sorry.
We need to talk = We need to complain.
I am not upset = Of course I am upset, idiot.
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
Do you love me = I am going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me = I already bought something expensive, now pay for it.

Source: Hum Tum - Hindi Motion Picture.

It was the summer of 2003 when me, Yogesh, Vivek and Didi planned out to visit Vaishno Devi and Kashmir. The following are few photos from that trip.


Well this photo has a kind of story to it. Actually this is the view from window of our house boat. When I saw this in morning, I called for Yogesh, Vivek and Didi and told them, dont you think that the tree looks like an elephant. They said no no. They did not believe me. Well, here is the picture and you are the judge. Can't you picture a elephant in the above photo? Tell me.


Vivek at the Kashmir Valley.


Vivek on-the-top-of-the-world.


Didi getting ready to fly off with the skates.


Some river in Kashmir.


Friends Didi made at Kashmir.


No. No. This is not a monkey. It Yogesh. :)


See I told you, it's Yogesh.


Vivek capturing Kashmir in Video, Yogesh trying to get recruited into the Indian Army and Didi(Vivek's elder Sister) is just smiling for the photo.


Kashmir Valley.


Fish.


Flower.

PS: I have no record who actually clicked the above photos exactly so no credit. But the photographer is among the three of us (me, Yogesh and Vivek.)

The following photos have been taken by a Nikon SLR camera on a BW film. It was part of my Photo 1000 class project. The photos were taken at Kanchanaburi. I think these photos were taken during the Summer of 2005.


Banyan Tree.


Bell, Krasae Cave.


The historically famous "Bridge over River Kwai".


Same Same but Different.


Bridge over River Kwai and Floating Restaurant.


Tourist walking by the Bridge over River Kwai.


Photographing the photographer. In the photo Deep is trying to click my photo when I clicked this picture. In the background in Rohan.


Deep, Richa, Sajal, Rohan at the Hell Fire Pass.


Floating Restaurant.


Group photo - This Kanchanaburi trip was organised by the Webster Thailand Student Council (WTSC).


Hell Fire Pass.


Memorial.


Hin Dat Hot Spring.


Hin Dat Hot Spring (again).


Krasae Cave.


It is me in front of the Bridge over RIver Kwai. This photo was taken by my friend Wai Wai from Burma.


Museum, Hell Fire Pass.


Rail road line beside the Krasae caves.


Train at the Bridge over River Kwai.


Train.


Train.


Train.


Richa Maheshwari.


River Kwai.


Tree and Cloud.


Tree, Hell Fire Pass.


View from the Museum at the Hell Fire Pass. This was an amazing view.


The actual view.


View from Rail road line beside the Krasae caves.


View from Rail road line beside the Krasae caves (again).

Back in the summer of 2005, three new newspapers, Hindustan Times, DNA and Mumbai Mirror, were launching in Mumbai. The joke was that there was such a scarcity of journalists that a board outside The Times of India’s office read: “Trespassers may be recruited.”

Source : www.businessworldindia.com/issue/index.asp : MAGAZINE : In Depth : Media Schools.

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.

On the forth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "You've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves;
for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family;
for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren;
and for next ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you. Njoy it.

Ansel Easton Adams, 1902-1984. One of the finest photographers of the landscapes. Here are few of Adams BW photos I love.


Clock Tower.


The Tetons and the Snake River, Grand Teton National Park, Wyoming, 1942.


Clearing Storm, Mount Williamson - the Sierra Nevada, from Manzanar, California, 1945.


Mount McKinley, Denali National Park, Alaska, 1948.


Mono Lake, California, 1948.


Winter Sunrise, the Sierra Nevada, from Lone Pine, California, 1944.


Christ House.


Bridal Veil Fall, Yosemite Valley, 1927.


Ansel Easton Adams


Ansel Easton Adams


Ansel Easton Adams, 1975.

PS: I did a class presentation ("How to read a Photo?") on Ansel Adams during my BW Photo I class at Webster. The above information is from that presentation.